A few weeks ago I starred fear straight in the eye, and did something I was terrified to do. I went to see "Alice in Wonderland".
And it was okay. It was not scary or up setting, and I feel confident that those people who like me were terrified of the Cheshire Cat as Children will be able to watch this movie.
I would, however, add that it was poorly titled, and was not in fact the tale of Alice in Wonderland, but that of Alice through the looking glass, which is very different. So much so, that this morning I was talking to a girl who had just seen it, and hated it for that very reason.
Oh oh oh!!! And, on a completely unrelated note I got an "A" in my most recent test for "Microbiology, Form, Function and Metabolism". I'm so proud. :)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
my kingdom for a scientific calculator
The day stated out well. I completed the difficult pre-lab for the morning microbiology lab, and made it into uni early enough to be rushed. The I realized I had left the oh so important, and due, pre-lab questions sitting on my desk at home. With no time to drive to the other side of the city, I went straight to one of the two guys who run the show, and explained my problem, and asked if I could hand it in in the afternoon. I was told this would be fine, I could take it to the office.
I went all the way home. Picked up the singular sheet of paper, and headed across town to hand it in. On the long drive, I was going over my calculations in my head, and realized I had made a mistake int eh final part of question 1. No problem, I thought, I had plenty of time, so I once I had found a park I headed not to the office, but to the library to fix the equation.
Once in the library, I found I had left my calculator at home as well.
I went to the computer lab, and searched for a computer programme, but found there was not one already on the computer, so I headed for google.
I then had a big red warning window pop up telling me I had run out of credit and had to put for money on my uni cash account to use the Internet. So, I had to go find a uni cash kiosk, and put the mere two dollars I had in my pocket on my account, and went back to the search. I found several helpful looking website offering the free use of calculator software.
The first few I tired only had the most basic of functions, and I needed something a little more flash. So, after more looking, I found that one had different calculators you could choose from, and selected the scientific option. The calculator that came up was, I suppose, a scientific calculator, but was still missing some of the vital functions I needed, and seems better suited to geometry than what I was doing. Several more attempts and I remained empty handed.
I finally found one that had the right buttons on the screen...until you clicked them, and they didn't actually work!
So, I logged off, and headed to the university book shop, source of everything a student could need to calculate, graph, sketch, down load, save , or write. I walked up and down the isles scanning for calculators, and after a fruitless search, had to ask. They were behind the counter. Sigh.
So, I followed the woman to the counter, where I was they had a simple cheap job, or the more expensive fancy ones if that's what I wanted. I told her that I needed a scientific calculator. She had none. But, instead of letting me leave and go in search of one elsewhere, the annoyingly over helpful woman started suggesting a graphics calculator, and then a something else I had never heard of calculator. So much time wasted.
I phoned a friend, who lives only half way across down form the uni, as apposed to my all the way across town, and asked if she had one at her place. I was told her husband had one.
I walked back to car park in the rain, and drove to her place. There were two people I didn't know on the couch, who claimed no one else was home... oh so handy, I thought, as my friends house is a chaotic mess, and there was no way I would be able to find it on my own. I did however find, her husband was home, and had found it for me. Bless him :)
Unfortunately, his calculator was so old that despite being a scientific one, it still didn't have all the functions I was looking for, and I had to go through a big convoluted precess to get to a point that with my one sitting at home would take bare seconds to reach.
I sat down to fix the equation. The answer I got was clearly wrong, and despite several tries, I couldn't make it better.
Oh well, I thought, I'll just hand it in, and accept that I won't be getting full marks. I dashed back outside to my car and attempted to drive back to the uni. Sadly, this was now into a high traffic time, and with the rain, the roads where busier than normal. I got to uni half an hour after the office closed.
So here I am, playing on the computers in the library and eating candy right under the no food and drink sign.
And, I am wet.
I went all the way home. Picked up the singular sheet of paper, and headed across town to hand it in. On the long drive, I was going over my calculations in my head, and realized I had made a mistake int eh final part of question 1. No problem, I thought, I had plenty of time, so I once I had found a park I headed not to the office, but to the library to fix the equation.
Once in the library, I found I had left my calculator at home as well.
I went to the computer lab, and searched for a computer programme, but found there was not one already on the computer, so I headed for google.
I then had a big red warning window pop up telling me I had run out of credit and had to put for money on my uni cash account to use the Internet. So, I had to go find a uni cash kiosk, and put the mere two dollars I had in my pocket on my account, and went back to the search. I found several helpful looking website offering the free use of calculator software.
The first few I tired only had the most basic of functions, and I needed something a little more flash. So, after more looking, I found that one had different calculators you could choose from, and selected the scientific option. The calculator that came up was, I suppose, a scientific calculator, but was still missing some of the vital functions I needed, and seems better suited to geometry than what I was doing. Several more attempts and I remained empty handed.
I finally found one that had the right buttons on the screen...until you clicked them, and they didn't actually work!
So, I logged off, and headed to the university book shop, source of everything a student could need to calculate, graph, sketch, down load, save , or write. I walked up and down the isles scanning for calculators, and after a fruitless search, had to ask. They were behind the counter. Sigh.
So, I followed the woman to the counter, where I was they had a simple cheap job, or the more expensive fancy ones if that's what I wanted. I told her that I needed a scientific calculator. She had none. But, instead of letting me leave and go in search of one elsewhere, the annoyingly over helpful woman started suggesting a graphics calculator, and then a something else I had never heard of calculator. So much time wasted.
I phoned a friend, who lives only half way across down form the uni, as apposed to my all the way across town, and asked if she had one at her place. I was told her husband had one.
I walked back to car park in the rain, and drove to her place. There were two people I didn't know on the couch, who claimed no one else was home... oh so handy, I thought, as my friends house is a chaotic mess, and there was no way I would be able to find it on my own. I did however find, her husband was home, and had found it for me. Bless him :)
Unfortunately, his calculator was so old that despite being a scientific one, it still didn't have all the functions I was looking for, and I had to go through a big convoluted precess to get to a point that with my one sitting at home would take bare seconds to reach.
I sat down to fix the equation. The answer I got was clearly wrong, and despite several tries, I couldn't make it better.
Oh well, I thought, I'll just hand it in, and accept that I won't be getting full marks. I dashed back outside to my car and attempted to drive back to the uni. Sadly, this was now into a high traffic time, and with the rain, the roads where busier than normal. I got to uni half an hour after the office closed.
So here I am, playing on the computers in the library and eating candy right under the no food and drink sign.
And, I am wet.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wetland Tree Planting.
I have signed up with Waikato Conservation Volunteers, and after weeks and weeks of nothing but week day missions, they had something on a Sunday. Annoyingly this was ANZAC day, but if I'm honest, I wouldn't have attended any events anyway (don't no why I wouldn't, just that I wouldn't).
We were driven down country to a farm that has natural wet lands running through, which are a short distance from the Waikato river, and which contribute to the water shed of the river, due to the incline of the property.
We were there pretty much all day, planting native seedlings around the boarder of a boggy patch in the middle of the pasture, which feed into a big pond, which in turn appear to feed into a another steam heading north. The area was fenced off to keep the stock out, so the area good over time return to what it was before the land was carved up and given to returning soldiers after "the" war (no idea which one exactly, just "the").
It was a really nice day, even through it was hot, and really hard work, and my back was really hurting from the effort of digging, and climbing up and down an almost vertical slope with spade and sapling in hand.
But....
There was a woman there who had signed up, wanting to meet new people, and with saving the environment as a happy extra. She seemed to head into the day on the assumption that everyone loved her, and was her very best friend. Which was nice when I first rocked up to the pick up point as a newbie, had was feeling alone and a bit intimidated. But, as the day progressed, and she told me her life story, allowing no interruptions, and touched me a couple of time (apparently strangers find me "cute", so this is common and not at all creepy, but unwelcome in her case).
"They" talked to our group about the project, and all about the watershed, and the nitrogen , and the nutrient loading and the benefits to the farmer of regenerating the wetland even when it reduced the area of his pastures, and stuff. it should have been really interesting and informative. But, I already knew it all, and frankly found the talk a little less than informative. But then, I am a scientist to be, not a grease monkey, or whatever.
Anyway...
One of the items on The List is plant 700 hundred trees. Yesterdays efforts added 30 to my total, which I think (I have packed my tally) is now at around 45. Still a long way to go, I know, but it's a big improvement!
We were driven down country to a farm that has natural wet lands running through, which are a short distance from the Waikato river, and which contribute to the water shed of the river, due to the incline of the property.
We were there pretty much all day, planting native seedlings around the boarder of a boggy patch in the middle of the pasture, which feed into a big pond, which in turn appear to feed into a another steam heading north. The area was fenced off to keep the stock out, so the area good over time return to what it was before the land was carved up and given to returning soldiers after "the" war (no idea which one exactly, just "the").
It was a really nice day, even through it was hot, and really hard work, and my back was really hurting from the effort of digging, and climbing up and down an almost vertical slope with spade and sapling in hand.
But....
There was a woman there who had signed up, wanting to meet new people, and with saving the environment as a happy extra. She seemed to head into the day on the assumption that everyone loved her, and was her very best friend. Which was nice when I first rocked up to the pick up point as a newbie, had was feeling alone and a bit intimidated. But, as the day progressed, and she told me her life story, allowing no interruptions, and touched me a couple of time (apparently strangers find me "cute", so this is common and not at all creepy, but unwelcome in her case).
"They" talked to our group about the project, and all about the watershed, and the nitrogen , and the nutrient loading and the benefits to the farmer of regenerating the wetland even when it reduced the area of his pastures, and stuff. it should have been really interesting and informative. But, I already knew it all, and frankly found the talk a little less than informative. But then, I am a scientist to be, not a grease monkey, or whatever.
Anyway...
One of the items on The List is plant 700 hundred trees. Yesterdays efforts added 30 to my total, which I think (I have packed my tally) is now at around 45. Still a long way to go, I know, but it's a big improvement!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Back to my neighbors.
All classes were canceled for Kingitagna day, so (long bitchy and boring story short) I was home on the couch. From here, I can see through the dinning area, and out the kitchen window, at an angle, so the view is of the neighbors drive way. To give privacy, I have three camellia bushes in a row along the property line.
Some time ago, my neighbor asked if he could trim the branches that crosses over the boundary line and were crapping his van when he drove past. I said this would be fine. He then started talking about prune ALL the trees and shrubs in my yard. I politely yet very clearly said, hell no, don't touch them, I like them as they are thank you. He didn't do anything that I saw for several hours. Then I went out. I came back to see every plant on my section pruned down to nothing!!! i was furious! But the real problem was, he had taken so much off my privacy hedge that it no longer works.
So, I was home in the middle of the my Wednesday, and I see movement out of the corner of my eye, I glance up, and find the guys wife standing behind what remains of my privacy hedge, looking through my window! When I got up to go yell at her she quickly turned away and headed for her mail box, and for some reason messed around with the other mail box of our other neighbor. After a another minute, she came back to stand behind my hedges and peek through my windows!!! This, of course, is all a gross invasion of my privacy. It is illegal. it is creepy, and sick and wrong.
I picked up a curtain with heavy embroidery that afternoon.
I told people at uni all ab out it, and they were likewise shocked and thought she was creepy.
M, the eternal disappointment, just laughed. She did not see it as a bad thing. She could not understand why I would thing it was creepy, and had no concern for my right to privacy. The most i got out of her was a "well it's good your moving then".... I haven't sold the house (it isn't even on the market yet) so I am not moving any time soon, so this is no consolation.
so in all... A bad day with highlights featuring a pervert and an unhelpful remark designed to belittle me. Awesome.
All classes were canceled for Kingitagna day, so (long bitchy and boring story short) I was home on the couch. From here, I can see through the dinning area, and out the kitchen window, at an angle, so the view is of the neighbors drive way. To give privacy, I have three camellia bushes in a row along the property line.
Some time ago, my neighbor asked if he could trim the branches that crosses over the boundary line and were crapping his van when he drove past. I said this would be fine. He then started talking about prune ALL the trees and shrubs in my yard. I politely yet very clearly said, hell no, don't touch them, I like them as they are thank you. He didn't do anything that I saw for several hours. Then I went out. I came back to see every plant on my section pruned down to nothing!!! i was furious! But the real problem was, he had taken so much off my privacy hedge that it no longer works.
So, I was home in the middle of the my Wednesday, and I see movement out of the corner of my eye, I glance up, and find the guys wife standing behind what remains of my privacy hedge, looking through my window! When I got up to go yell at her she quickly turned away and headed for her mail box, and for some reason messed around with the other mail box of our other neighbor. After a another minute, she came back to stand behind my hedges and peek through my windows!!! This, of course, is all a gross invasion of my privacy. It is illegal. it is creepy, and sick and wrong.
I picked up a curtain with heavy embroidery that afternoon.
I told people at uni all ab out it, and they were likewise shocked and thought she was creepy.
M, the eternal disappointment, just laughed. She did not see it as a bad thing. She could not understand why I would thing it was creepy, and had no concern for my right to privacy. The most i got out of her was a "well it's good your moving then".... I haven't sold the house (it isn't even on the market yet) so I am not moving any time soon, so this is no consolation.
so in all... A bad day with highlights featuring a pervert and an unhelpful remark designed to belittle me. Awesome.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
What is the point of poems?
I know that poetry is supposed to be cool or something, and maybe it is somehow sacrilegious for a writer to say so, but I hate poetry.
Poetry is the little brother with a speech impediment to proper stories, which have beginnings, middle and ends! A poem is a song without music. It is a the hiding place of those who love purple pros, and don't know how to use punctuation for best effect.
Perhaps I exaggerate my dislike of poems. I have a few that I do actually really like (my great uncle Len wrote beautiful poems, and a hilarious one about losing his dentures down the the long drop)... but I am not going to buy a book of poems. I am not going to read a blog dedicated to poems. And I can't understand their appeal to anyone outside of the people who write them.
Perhaps it is not that I "hate" poems, so much as I just heave no patience for them.
Poetry is the little brother with a speech impediment to proper stories, which have beginnings, middle and ends! A poem is a song without music. It is a the hiding place of those who love purple pros, and don't know how to use punctuation for best effect.
Perhaps I exaggerate my dislike of poems. I have a few that I do actually really like (my great uncle Len wrote beautiful poems, and a hilarious one about losing his dentures down the the long drop)... but I am not going to buy a book of poems. I am not going to read a blog dedicated to poems. And I can't understand their appeal to anyone outside of the people who write them.
Perhaps it is not that I "hate" poems, so much as I just heave no patience for them.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I learned something fascinating this week...
When a diving mammal (e.g. whales) dives down they exhale. The oxygen they survive on when under water for all that time, is stored inside their cells, muscle in particular.
Simply fascinating.
And, I have made a decision. a big one. I am going to volunteer for the Kakapo conservation project of COD Fish Island, just of the coast of Stuart Island. You have to be super super fit...eight hour hikes up hill, no path ways, just through virgin forest, carrying packs weighing upwards of 15 kilos each.
One of the jobs I would love involves camping alone in the forest, watching a nest day and night, you know,m just to make sure the birds are doing okay.
It would be awesome!!!
But, there is no way on Gods green Earth that I could do it at the moment. I mean... I'm a hippo. Guess I'm off to find out about gym memberships this weekend.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Okay, still enraged.
A while ago (i have no idea if we're talking a few years, or a couple of decades) one of my current lecturers discovered a new species of fish. It lives only in a small group of wet lands in a certain part of the country, and no where else. In the last two or three years, two of the main areas they live in have "gone up in flames" as he puts it. I don't know what that actually means, did they get set on fire?
Now, the local council want to run the sewage treatment system for the region right through the remaining habitat of this unique little fishy. Pisses me right off!
Why is it that money is more important than our biodiversity???
Okay, to the point...
I'm not a very scholarly person, I certainly don't spend as much of my time thinking godly thoughts as I probably ought to... but I have been a pondering...
God made man (and woman) to be lord over the earth and all the varying critters. Which, I would take to be, we were made to look after the earth and all the varying critters.
I mean, if you think about he servants who were given talents, and what each of them did with them.... there's the guy who looked after his masters money and grew the investment, and there's a guy who buried it the ground and did nothing with it, just gave it back when his master returned. We hear this parable and we think, "nah, I don't want to be that second (or actually third) guy!" We think we want to make sure to look after, and grow, the things that God had given us. Right?
Hasn't He given us a planet??? Hasn't He given us a variety of animals beyond what we have so far been able to discover?
So, God gives us a planet and a bunch of animals, which servant are we? We aren't even the guy who did nothing with what he was given. We are the guy who sets his masters house of fire, and lets his sheep get out.
So why is it, that more Christians aren't concerned with saving the environment; petitioning against the cutting down of rain forests for palm oil production, and protecting marine habitat, saving endangered species? Do we just think God doesn't care? Somehow I doubt he would have gone to the trouble of making the natural world so "unnecessarily beautiful" if all he wanted to look down on was concrete.
A while ago (i have no idea if we're talking a few years, or a couple of decades) one of my current lecturers discovered a new species of fish. It lives only in a small group of wet lands in a certain part of the country, and no where else. In the last two or three years, two of the main areas they live in have "gone up in flames" as he puts it. I don't know what that actually means, did they get set on fire?
Now, the local council want to run the sewage treatment system for the region right through the remaining habitat of this unique little fishy. Pisses me right off!
Why is it that money is more important than our biodiversity???
Okay, to the point...
I'm not a very scholarly person, I certainly don't spend as much of my time thinking godly thoughts as I probably ought to... but I have been a pondering...
God made man (and woman) to be lord over the earth and all the varying critters. Which, I would take to be, we were made to look after the earth and all the varying critters.
I mean, if you think about he servants who were given talents, and what each of them did with them.... there's the guy who looked after his masters money and grew the investment, and there's a guy who buried it the ground and did nothing with it, just gave it back when his master returned. We hear this parable and we think, "nah, I don't want to be that second (or actually third) guy!" We think we want to make sure to look after, and grow, the things that God had given us. Right?
Hasn't He given us a planet??? Hasn't He given us a variety of animals beyond what we have so far been able to discover?
So, God gives us a planet and a bunch of animals, which servant are we? We aren't even the guy who did nothing with what he was given. We are the guy who sets his masters house of fire, and lets his sheep get out.
So why is it, that more Christians aren't concerned with saving the environment; petitioning against the cutting down of rain forests for palm oil production, and protecting marine habitat, saving endangered species? Do we just think God doesn't care? Somehow I doubt he would have gone to the trouble of making the natural world so "unnecessarily beautiful" if all he wanted to look down on was concrete.
Monday, March 8, 2010
A Return to Commercial Whaling?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?
HOW DARE THEY! HOW DARE THEY! HOW DARE THEY! How DARE the NZ government even consider allowing a return to commercial whaling! How F**king DARE they!
We used to be the little country that could.
We stood up to our nuclear armed allies, even in times of war, and forbid them from bringing nuclear powered ships and subs into our waters.
We were the first to climb to the worlds highest peak.
We beat the Wright brothers into the air, regardless of what some history books say.
We were the first, the very first, to give women the right to vote.
We used to be this tiny little island nation at the bottom of the world who put older, bigger, richer countries to shame with our ingenuity our courage, our boldness and our determination to what was right, not what was merely easy or convenient.
What happened to us??? How could any black-blooded Kiwi EVER agree to this?
When did we as a people decided that if at first we didn't succeed, we would turn round and bend over instead?
On the news last night, they stated this would be a return to commercial whiling for Japan, Iceland and Norway. Are we really so stupid as to think that legalisation wouldn't have other countries demanding their share of the Whale meat pie?
I know Japan continues whaling under the guise of scientific research, despite global disapproval and protest, I know. But how does anyone trick themselves into believing that giving them, or any other country for that matter, our nod of approval will makes things better.
yes, if something is made legal, rules and regulations can be put in place. But honestly, if a country is prepared to go against international requests, to so blatantly break international law, and enter other countries territories to it, do you really think they'll be bothered by restrictions desired by the very same countries they currently ignore.
What happened???
Is this latest move by our government, the ultimate and irrefutable proof that the brain drain is complete? Or, have we become so caught up in the race to be more like our neighbors, that we have forgotten, or no longer care, who are?
How is it that Australia is displaying more environmental balls than us?
We should all be ashamed!
We used to be the little country that could.
We stood up to our nuclear armed allies, even in times of war, and forbid them from bringing nuclear powered ships and subs into our waters.
We were the first to climb to the worlds highest peak.
We beat the Wright brothers into the air, regardless of what some history books say.
We were the first, the very first, to give women the right to vote.
We used to be this tiny little island nation at the bottom of the world who put older, bigger, richer countries to shame with our ingenuity our courage, our boldness and our determination to what was right, not what was merely easy or convenient.
What happened to us??? How could any black-blooded Kiwi EVER agree to this?
When did we as a people decided that if at first we didn't succeed, we would turn round and bend over instead?
On the news last night, they stated this would be a return to commercial whiling for Japan, Iceland and Norway. Are we really so stupid as to think that legalisation wouldn't have other countries demanding their share of the Whale meat pie?
I know Japan continues whaling under the guise of scientific research, despite global disapproval and protest, I know. But how does anyone trick themselves into believing that giving them, or any other country for that matter, our nod of approval will makes things better.
yes, if something is made legal, rules and regulations can be put in place. But honestly, if a country is prepared to go against international requests, to so blatantly break international law, and enter other countries territories to it, do you really think they'll be bothered by restrictions desired by the very same countries they currently ignore.
What happened???
Is this latest move by our government, the ultimate and irrefutable proof that the brain drain is complete? Or, have we become so caught up in the race to be more like our neighbors, that we have forgotten, or no longer care, who are?
How is it that Australia is displaying more environmental balls than us?
We should all be ashamed!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
My latest epiphany
I used a phase in my general ramblings yesterday, that though accidental, I have been looking at and thinking, is really very true of my life. I said something about wanting to be an "active participant" in my own life.
The truth is, I have not been actively participating in my life for a really long time. I would say, it's been more than sixteen years.
This is probably due to my various tragic life experiences, which have left me too scarred to function. And I've realized, I exist, but do not live. I have not been going out and doing things, I have been waiting for them to happen to me. But more than that, I have been in a place where I would pretty much just accept whatever I got as being all I would get. I would accept less than mediocrity, because I couldn't go out and take more for myself. I have spent almost ten years working as a florist, and am good at it, but I hate it I have always been at least indifferent about the "chosen" field, and for a very long time, like about 5 years, I have HATED it entirely.
I say "Chosen" with quotation marks, because I didn't choose it. I had been going to be baker for most of my high school life, because I couldn't think of anything else I could do, because I had been convinced that I was stupid by years of home and school yard bullying. So, when I developed debilitating allergies that prevented me from continuing on the path to being a baker, my mother said to me "why don't you be a florist?" - and then told me she had already arranged for me to do work experience with someone she knew through work, and it would make her look bad if I didn't go. So I did. I didn't became a florist because I liked her suggestion, but because I had no other ideas and really couldn't be bothered enough with my own life to defend myself against her pressuring me.
I got so... honestly I can't even think of a word that's strong enough.... sick, angry, furious, sad, depressed.... about my job that I was forced by life to act some form of action, so I did what I should have years ago and enrolled in University. I planned my escape. But, I still need to pay the bills while I study, so I still have to work part time in the hell hole of a job I was trying to escape, and full time during the summer. But, I realized last night, that while this was a good baby step, the getting a real education and embracing the fact that I am not a complete imbecile like I was taught, it was just a beginning.
I haven't done much else really. I told myself that I was not wasting my precious time doing other things because I was being responsible, and making sure I had the time to study. But, I think I was still just waiting for things to happen. I still couldn't go out and take hold of life. So really, all the groups I signed up with this week,they are much more important than just things I find interesting, that was me going out and living... and I wasn't even trying to. I just did it!!! It is actually a bit impressive.
I think, even my list, the book of things I want to be able to tick off as having been done, it was a way of putting things off. I had listed them, so I was going to them, but it would be some day in the future. Certainly not now, well not unless someone else did something to make it happen. I mean, yeah I have done a bungy jump...but only because a friend of mine put me in her car and took me there (it was a surprise birthday present).
And, for the first time ever, I have actually started to consider selling my old bagpipes. I can't really play them, I can't even tune them properly, so if I do decide to try to practice (like once a year) they sound so bad I stop after one song. But I couldn't think of being rid of them, because that would be taking action, making a decision, without help from anyone else.
I hadn't realized any of this of course, this is all a day old epiphany.Or maybe I had been aware of it, just not the depth of it. I knew I did nothing, but I didn't know that I was avoiding doing anything for myself.
Stupid traumatic childhood. Oh well, never mind.
The truth is, I have not been actively participating in my life for a really long time. I would say, it's been more than sixteen years.
This is probably due to my various tragic life experiences, which have left me too scarred to function. And I've realized, I exist, but do not live. I have not been going out and doing things, I have been waiting for them to happen to me. But more than that, I have been in a place where I would pretty much just accept whatever I got as being all I would get. I would accept less than mediocrity, because I couldn't go out and take more for myself. I have spent almost ten years working as a florist, and am good at it, but I hate it I have always been at least indifferent about the "chosen" field, and for a very long time, like about 5 years, I have HATED it entirely.
I say "Chosen" with quotation marks, because I didn't choose it. I had been going to be baker for most of my high school life, because I couldn't think of anything else I could do, because I had been convinced that I was stupid by years of home and school yard bullying. So, when I developed debilitating allergies that prevented me from continuing on the path to being a baker, my mother said to me "why don't you be a florist?" - and then told me she had already arranged for me to do work experience with someone she knew through work, and it would make her look bad if I didn't go. So I did. I didn't became a florist because I liked her suggestion, but because I had no other ideas and really couldn't be bothered enough with my own life to defend myself against her pressuring me.
I got so... honestly I can't even think of a word that's strong enough.... sick, angry, furious, sad, depressed.... about my job that I was forced by life to act some form of action, so I did what I should have years ago and enrolled in University. I planned my escape. But, I still need to pay the bills while I study, so I still have to work part time in the hell hole of a job I was trying to escape, and full time during the summer. But, I realized last night, that while this was a good baby step, the getting a real education and embracing the fact that I am not a complete imbecile like I was taught, it was just a beginning.
I haven't done much else really. I told myself that I was not wasting my precious time doing other things because I was being responsible, and making sure I had the time to study. But, I think I was still just waiting for things to happen. I still couldn't go out and take hold of life. So really, all the groups I signed up with this week,they are much more important than just things I find interesting, that was me going out and living... and I wasn't even trying to. I just did it!!! It is actually a bit impressive.
I think, even my list, the book of things I want to be able to tick off as having been done, it was a way of putting things off. I had listed them, so I was going to them, but it would be some day in the future. Certainly not now, well not unless someone else did something to make it happen. I mean, yeah I have done a bungy jump...but only because a friend of mine put me in her car and took me there (it was a surprise birthday present).
And, for the first time ever, I have actually started to consider selling my old bagpipes. I can't really play them, I can't even tune them properly, so if I do decide to try to practice (like once a year) they sound so bad I stop after one song. But I couldn't think of being rid of them, because that would be taking action, making a decision, without help from anyone else.
I hadn't realized any of this of course, this is all a day old epiphany.Or maybe I had been aware of it, just not the depth of it. I knew I did nothing, but I didn't know that I was avoiding doing anything for myself.
Stupid traumatic childhood. Oh well, never mind.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Happily confused
Wednesday was club day for Orientation week... which basically means all the clubs have little booths where they try and get you to sign up, and a church goes along and gives out candy and stuff. Last year I never even went to have a look, but this year I am fully embracing the idea of being an active participant in my own life and headed over after my last lecture was let out. I ended up singing up for not one, but three different groups, in addition to the one I signed up for on Monday.
1. Conservation Volunteers
(My passion. A tree hugger from day one)
2. Biology club
(well, it is my major)
3. Greens on Campus
(which is is directly related to the Green Party)
4. Catholics on Campus
(an attempt to make new friends and reestablish faith in my day to day activities)
I know, it is an odd mixture, science, politics, religion and conservation.
I was chatting to a friend this morning about a paper that I am taking this year, and she had to take next year. She, having found out that I am "religious" earlier this week, was confused about how I could be taking a paper on evolution, because wouldn't I be offended. my church friends have the same question.
I can't say this wasn't an expected question, but still I couldn't seem to articulate my answer. Which I guess could be best summarized by saying that i don't think common sense and hope are mutually exclusive concepts. if I'm perfectly honest, I think even as a very small child, I always classed, Adam and Eve as Fairy tales. I never really considered them as having lived exactly as the bible says.
But, I think even if I was to say to myself that every single word of the bible is to be taken as a literally truth, then I would still be comfortable taking this evolution paper, because even though it compares evolution to intelligent design, and discredits creationism, it is still simple information that I can apply to my degree. I am able to learn something even if I don't agree with it, after all, what is there really to stop a vegan learning to fish? Only the will to try.
I doubt i have explained this right, but anyway...
I am happy, I am comfortable, and I can admit that both as a follower of Christ, and a scientist, I have work to do. Will I ever be fully able to reconcile the two conflicting parts of my world? I don't see a conflict. The only real problem I have, is not upsetting my friends on different sides of the fence, because I don't 100% agree with either of them. I think it comes down to my intense fascination with life and the world around me, and a refusal to accept that things are a certain way because some one says so, I want evidence. Which, believe it or not, is a pro-god thing as well as a pro-science thing.
Again, I doubt I have explained this right, but that's abstract thought for you.
1. Conservation Volunteers
(My passion. A tree hugger from day one)
2. Biology club
(well, it is my major)
3. Greens on Campus
(which is is directly related to the Green Party)
4. Catholics on Campus
(an attempt to make new friends and reestablish faith in my day to day activities)
I know, it is an odd mixture, science, politics, religion and conservation.
I was chatting to a friend this morning about a paper that I am taking this year, and she had to take next year. She, having found out that I am "religious" earlier this week, was confused about how I could be taking a paper on evolution, because wouldn't I be offended. my church friends have the same question.
I can't say this wasn't an expected question, but still I couldn't seem to articulate my answer. Which I guess could be best summarized by saying that i don't think common sense and hope are mutually exclusive concepts. if I'm perfectly honest, I think even as a very small child, I always classed, Adam and Eve as Fairy tales. I never really considered them as having lived exactly as the bible says.
But, I think even if I was to say to myself that every single word of the bible is to be taken as a literally truth, then I would still be comfortable taking this evolution paper, because even though it compares evolution to intelligent design, and discredits creationism, it is still simple information that I can apply to my degree. I am able to learn something even if I don't agree with it, after all, what is there really to stop a vegan learning to fish? Only the will to try.
I doubt i have explained this right, but anyway...
I am happy, I am comfortable, and I can admit that both as a follower of Christ, and a scientist, I have work to do. Will I ever be fully able to reconcile the two conflicting parts of my world? I don't see a conflict. The only real problem I have, is not upsetting my friends on different sides of the fence, because I don't 100% agree with either of them. I think it comes down to my intense fascination with life and the world around me, and a refusal to accept that things are a certain way because some one says so, I want evidence. Which, believe it or not, is a pro-god thing as well as a pro-science thing.
Again, I doubt I have explained this right, but that's abstract thought for you.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
house hunting
I am being tormented by land agents!!!
I want to move closer to the university, not only because it is close to uni, but because all the research facilitates in the city are on that side of the river, so it'll continue to work when I have finished my degree.
I found a nice enough house, small but tidy and one hundred thousand less than the house I'm in now. BUT, it also has a train track in the backyard! So, I have to weigh my options, and hope to find something similar in a area with no train, or P lab next door. This, as you can perhaps imagine, is easier said than done.
Oh, but I went back to have a second look, mostly to check out the neighbor hood. Now a have land agents calling me daily, wanting me to formally register my interest, all the better to bully me into buying by warning me that some possibly fictional other buyer is looking to make an offer.
The guy called while I was at work, and I told him I was at work and wasn't able to talk. So what does he do? He blah blahs at me about registering my interest, and explains what that means, like I've never bought house before, and carries on like I am the one inconveniencing him. I never said I was keen. I never said I wanted to do anything more than have a second look around, that is a long way from asking where to sign!
so angry. I hate feeling bullied. Especially when I know that it is all because I look so much younger than I am!
ggrrr
I want to move closer to the university, not only because it is close to uni, but because all the research facilitates in the city are on that side of the river, so it'll continue to work when I have finished my degree.
I found a nice enough house, small but tidy and one hundred thousand less than the house I'm in now. BUT, it also has a train track in the backyard! So, I have to weigh my options, and hope to find something similar in a area with no train, or P lab next door. This, as you can perhaps imagine, is easier said than done.
Oh, but I went back to have a second look, mostly to check out the neighbor hood. Now a have land agents calling me daily, wanting me to formally register my interest, all the better to bully me into buying by warning me that some possibly fictional other buyer is looking to make an offer.
The guy called while I was at work, and I told him I was at work and wasn't able to talk. So what does he do? He blah blahs at me about registering my interest, and explains what that means, like I've never bought house before, and carries on like I am the one inconveniencing him. I never said I was keen. I never said I wanted to do anything more than have a second look around, that is a long way from asking where to sign!
so angry. I hate feeling bullied. Especially when I know that it is all because I look so much younger than I am!
ggrrr
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Three years ago I became a World Vision sponsor. I have never written a proper letter to my child, but have sent stickers and balloons and such every now and then.
The other day I got a letter from World Vision, apologizing for an error made by World Vision Rwanda when they took down my child's original details and letting me know my child was not a girl called Berthe, but a boy called Bertin!
I'm not particularly concerned, I don't actually care about my child's gender, just as long as he is getting an education and clean water. But I'm a bit gutted about having sent pink balloons, and stickers with rainbows and flowers, for the past three years.
The same day I got a card from Bertin. Each year they fill in the card, and leave a space for the child to draw a picture or write something, which is then translated into English in a different colour pen. This year, he wrote his message in English. He told me that he was happy because I was helping him, and that he was going to school, and that it was okay. And then he said, "I want to be like you". He doesn't know anything about me really, just that I give, so that he can have a better life. I have to admit I got a bit teared up.
The other day I got a letter from World Vision, apologizing for an error made by World Vision Rwanda when they took down my child's original details and letting me know my child was not a girl called Berthe, but a boy called Bertin!
I'm not particularly concerned, I don't actually care about my child's gender, just as long as he is getting an education and clean water. But I'm a bit gutted about having sent pink balloons, and stickers with rainbows and flowers, for the past three years.
The same day I got a card from Bertin. Each year they fill in the card, and leave a space for the child to draw a picture or write something, which is then translated into English in a different colour pen. This year, he wrote his message in English. He told me that he was happy because I was helping him, and that he was going to school, and that it was okay. And then he said, "I want to be like you". He doesn't know anything about me really, just that I give, so that he can have a better life. I have to admit I got a bit teared up.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
NEW BOOK!!
I started writing a new book on Sunday night, and have been exhausted ever since. I can honestly say that I have written more this week than I have in two or thee months. It's just writing itself. I find myself perched on my hard, poorly designed chair with pins and needles in all sorts of places, and not caring, just typing it out as it comes, then finally stopping to rub my eyes, and there's thousands of words raked up sine the last save, and I never even noticed the time go by.
It feels just so great to be being productive.
Of course M is ruining my buzz a bit, by asking me how it is going. I know that sounds innocent enough, but it always makes me feel like I'm failing if I haven't written an entire chapter since I saw her last.
But any way...
I'm so excited about the story, it's just fun. It's nice to have a simple story line (I should point out that this is the first kids book I have ever attempted), with no complex subplots and no difficult character development. The relationships are what they are, and there's no uncertainty in the charterers mind when it comes to those relationships. Her mum is her mum, and they love each other, the end. The story lies in her adventures and discoveries, not in her relationships.
And, even the baddy, isn't really that evil. But again, I've been writing a very dark and trying adult novel for over two years now, so maybe he just doesn't seem to evil to me by comparison to my other villain.
And the really fun part? People get it. I don't have to explain back story or anything like that. I say that one of the characters only has one eye, and it's like, "how cool", not "why?"
I'm so loving this. I just hope it keeps coming so I can finish and finally have an end product to show the people who remember the times when I was off sitting in some corner with with a pile of paper napkins in my lap, frantically scribbling things down while they were fresh in my mind.
It feels just so great to be being productive.
Of course M is ruining my buzz a bit, by asking me how it is going. I know that sounds innocent enough, but it always makes me feel like I'm failing if I haven't written an entire chapter since I saw her last.
But any way...
I'm so excited about the story, it's just fun. It's nice to have a simple story line (I should point out that this is the first kids book I have ever attempted), with no complex subplots and no difficult character development. The relationships are what they are, and there's no uncertainty in the charterers mind when it comes to those relationships. Her mum is her mum, and they love each other, the end. The story lies in her adventures and discoveries, not in her relationships.
And, even the baddy, isn't really that evil. But again, I've been writing a very dark and trying adult novel for over two years now, so maybe he just doesn't seem to evil to me by comparison to my other villain.
And the really fun part? People get it. I don't have to explain back story or anything like that. I say that one of the characters only has one eye, and it's like, "how cool", not "why?"
I'm so loving this. I just hope it keeps coming so I can finish and finally have an end product to show the people who remember the times when I was off sitting in some corner with with a pile of paper napkins in my lap, frantically scribbling things down while they were fresh in my mind.
Monday, January 25, 2010
It is my belief that the university of Waikato should offer a short summer course detailing the enrollment and re-enrollment process which also provides details correct on paper selections.
When I enrolled for first year, I called up to make an appointment to talk to someone about my options. They asked me what I wanted to study. I said I didn't really know, I just wanted to work in conservation. So, when I wondered into the office on the day of my appointment, the lady I spoke to already had the student hand book from the science department, and had a suggested course outline. I said okay, signed on the dotted line, end of story.
Now I am trying to finalize my enrollment for this year... and it had been a journey.
Before final exams last year, I went into the biology office to ask to make an appointment to speak with a course co-ordinator, as I wanted to change my specialization from ecology to genetics, and wanted to make sure I took the right papers to do this. I was told that Dr Mc was available to talk immediately. So, thinking not having to wait was best, I headed up to his office. I told him what I wanted to do, and he outlined seven of the second year biology papers I should choose from, telling me to defiantly take four specific papers, and then choose whichever two of the three others I wanted.
So, I went away, and looked at all the papers and did some more thinking. The hand book has little tables with suggested course structures for students wanting to specialize in different areas. The table for genetics lists two chemistry papers in first year, neither of which I took. So, I sent an email to Dr C, who was listed as the person to talk to if you had questions, asking if I absolutely had to have done chemistry, or if this was just a suggestion. She replied that it wasn't a requirement at all.
Taking these two conversations at face value, I sent in my enrollment application. A couple of weeks late I got a letter saying that I couldn't take the biochemistry paper i had listed for A semester. The letter provided a number to call to take care of this. I phoned up, and was told that I couldn't take it because I hadn't taken first year chemistry. (Which in honesty wasn't a surprise, just a bit annoying). I asked if I could just have it changed for 'statistical data analysis'. I was then asked if I had enrolled online, and when I said yes, I was told that I had to do a change of enrollment online.
So. I logged on to the university website and spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to do a change of enrollment. Finally I found the right page, only to discover I had to go through and reconfirm all my details. Changing the paper was a matter of a few mouse clicks, I hit done, and it came up with a big red sign saying there was a problem with my course selection, and to click here to find out more. SO I clicked, and was told that with making that single change, I had created 11 timetable clashes.
Sigh.
I chose yet another paper, (animal physiology) and this time was met with success. No problems. A week later I got a letter saying my application to enroll was accepted, and my enrollment contract thingy on its way (apparently thy enjoy paper work).
Now I have received an email. Only now do they tell me that it is a requirement of the biology department that students earn 40 points at second or third year level, outside of the major. In short, I have to take at least two papers that are not biology. This is not unreasonable, but I would have thought Dr Mc could have mentioned it instead of insisting that I take all biology.
Grrr.
Luckily, I don't have to change my papers this year, but I would have to compensate for it next year, so I would rather just tidy it all up now so I can all the third year papers I want.
It seems that second year statistical data analysis is in A semester, the the third year follow on is in B. So, next year I could take both. Good I thought, statistics and genetics go well together. But, then I saw that you also have to have done Math 102 to take the third year paper. But, I took math 168. To do math 1o2, I have to first pass 165 (because I didn't do math in high school).
So, to take the statistics paper I want to next year, I would have to drop plant ecology in B semester this year, and take math165, then take math 102 in the A semester next year, allowing with the second year stats paper I don't have room for this year, and only then can I take the third year paper. This, of course, would mean I was two third year papers short, and would have to at lest do a summer school course in order to complete my bachelors.
When will the chaos end?
When I enrolled for first year, I called up to make an appointment to talk to someone about my options. They asked me what I wanted to study. I said I didn't really know, I just wanted to work in conservation. So, when I wondered into the office on the day of my appointment, the lady I spoke to already had the student hand book from the science department, and had a suggested course outline. I said okay, signed on the dotted line, end of story.
Now I am trying to finalize my enrollment for this year... and it had been a journey.
Before final exams last year, I went into the biology office to ask to make an appointment to speak with a course co-ordinator, as I wanted to change my specialization from ecology to genetics, and wanted to make sure I took the right papers to do this. I was told that Dr Mc was available to talk immediately. So, thinking not having to wait was best, I headed up to his office. I told him what I wanted to do, and he outlined seven of the second year biology papers I should choose from, telling me to defiantly take four specific papers, and then choose whichever two of the three others I wanted.
So, I went away, and looked at all the papers and did some more thinking. The hand book has little tables with suggested course structures for students wanting to specialize in different areas. The table for genetics lists two chemistry papers in first year, neither of which I took. So, I sent an email to Dr C, who was listed as the person to talk to if you had questions, asking if I absolutely had to have done chemistry, or if this was just a suggestion. She replied that it wasn't a requirement at all.
Taking these two conversations at face value, I sent in my enrollment application. A couple of weeks late I got a letter saying that I couldn't take the biochemistry paper i had listed for A semester. The letter provided a number to call to take care of this. I phoned up, and was told that I couldn't take it because I hadn't taken first year chemistry. (Which in honesty wasn't a surprise, just a bit annoying). I asked if I could just have it changed for 'statistical data analysis'. I was then asked if I had enrolled online, and when I said yes, I was told that I had to do a change of enrollment online.
So. I logged on to the university website and spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to do a change of enrollment. Finally I found the right page, only to discover I had to go through and reconfirm all my details. Changing the paper was a matter of a few mouse clicks, I hit done, and it came up with a big red sign saying there was a problem with my course selection, and to click here to find out more. SO I clicked, and was told that with making that single change, I had created 11 timetable clashes.
Sigh.
I chose yet another paper, (animal physiology) and this time was met with success. No problems. A week later I got a letter saying my application to enroll was accepted, and my enrollment contract thingy on its way (apparently thy enjoy paper work).
Now I have received an email. Only now do they tell me that it is a requirement of the biology department that students earn 40 points at second or third year level, outside of the major. In short, I have to take at least two papers that are not biology. This is not unreasonable, but I would have thought Dr Mc could have mentioned it instead of insisting that I take all biology.
Grrr.
Luckily, I don't have to change my papers this year, but I would have to compensate for it next year, so I would rather just tidy it all up now so I can all the third year papers I want.
It seems that second year statistical data analysis is in A semester, the the third year follow on is in B. So, next year I could take both. Good I thought, statistics and genetics go well together. But, then I saw that you also have to have done Math 102 to take the third year paper. But, I took math 168. To do math 1o2, I have to first pass 165 (because I didn't do math in high school).
So, to take the statistics paper I want to next year, I would have to drop plant ecology in B semester this year, and take math165, then take math 102 in the A semester next year, allowing with the second year stats paper I don't have room for this year, and only then can I take the third year paper. This, of course, would mean I was two third year papers short, and would have to at lest do a summer school course in order to complete my bachelors.
When will the chaos end?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
In the absence of anything to add to my novel to be, I have been working in the garden, trying to make it look pretty so to raise my house price for when I sell. I can, for the first time in nearly two years, see where I've been. There are flower beds and peas growing up their little bamboo frame. I have tomatoes neatly spaced out with basil in between, apparently they grow well together. The only sadness is the failure to germinate of my two tones zucchini seeds and 3/4 of my sweet corn.
There is something truly satisfying about growing your own food. I am far more interested in the development of flowers on my little pumpkin plant than I am in the dozen or so stock running under the garage window. I pass the red robin "shrub" without so much as a glance, but I stop and look at both fejoas, watching as the little red flowers have disappeared, to be replaced with small green swelling growths I can't wait to collect.
I have decided to plant radishes in small patches, a few at a time, so to prolong the season, and not find my self over run with them (I have some two hundred seeds, so it is a very real possibility).
All this effort seems a waste, seeing I may not even be there to harvest much of what I plant, but it feels nice to be out in the sun, with dirt under my nails and sweat running down my face.
And then I look at eh photos of houses in the area I am looking to buy in, to be closer to the university so I can avoid using my car. The gardens are tiny and often the yard is paved over. I don't want to live in a sterile concrete box, if I did I would be looking for a town house, not an actual house. Besides, once I'm settled I'm getting chickens, I'll need the grass.
There is something truly satisfying about growing your own food. I am far more interested in the development of flowers on my little pumpkin plant than I am in the dozen or so stock running under the garage window. I pass the red robin "shrub" without so much as a glance, but I stop and look at both fejoas, watching as the little red flowers have disappeared, to be replaced with small green swelling growths I can't wait to collect.
I have decided to plant radishes in small patches, a few at a time, so to prolong the season, and not find my self over run with them (I have some two hundred seeds, so it is a very real possibility).
All this effort seems a waste, seeing I may not even be there to harvest much of what I plant, but it feels nice to be out in the sun, with dirt under my nails and sweat running down my face.
And then I look at eh photos of houses in the area I am looking to buy in, to be closer to the university so I can avoid using my car. The gardens are tiny and often the yard is paved over. I don't want to live in a sterile concrete box, if I did I would be looking for a town house, not an actual house. Besides, once I'm settled I'm getting chickens, I'll need the grass.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
First day back at work
This is a tirade about the ways in which I hate my job- you don't have to read this, really you don't.
I just had such a crappy day. This was my first day back at work after the holiday, and it had a little bit of everything that I hate about my job. I had a woman calling to complain about non-delivery of an order placed for same day delivery in the first week of December last year. I had my mother/boss come into work and complain and sit around talking about feeling dizzy (I had been on my feet with no breaks of any kind for ten hours, I was a little dizzy and uncomfortable too). I had customers making a fuss because the phone started to ring when they were in the store, and apparently that means they are the centre of the universe, and then not buy anyhting any way. I had people asking questions that didn't comprise a question, just a few mumbled nouns and the rest was guess work. And the crazy and boring woman who carries around photos of her cats came in to chat!
And my mothers husband, who has threatened to kill me, who has the mental capacity of someone with a developmental disorder but without the excuse, this is the one who is hired to do the deliveries! So, I not only have to put up with this giant, violent, stupid person who specifically dislikes me, but he milked some cows this morning, so he reeked of cow poo.
Yay for my life.
So, I have been checking through every online job search site I can find for a job, any job. As long as it has flexible hours so I can fit it around classes when they starts back up, and is a permanent position. Not so easy when you haven't finished your degree and can't work in food service.
SCREAM!!!!!!
I'll be another year older in a week and a bit. I'm feeling it. I hate that I still have top put up with my mothers crappy life choices - when you work with her, her life infects your own. I would so love to be free to do as I wish, and hey, maybe even work for a company that allows their senior managers meal breaks once in a while. I want to work where I don't have customers, and no crazy people, and no family in my face, and no psychotic angry man threatening me.
Honestly, I can handle boring, I can handle long hours. I can handle repetitive. I can handle a long commute. At this point I could even handle experimenting on little animals, I just can't handle working in that evil little soul sucking flower shop any more.
AND! AND! AND! V-day is on its way!!! Valentines day is the bane of every florists existence. And I just know my mother and her stupid, worst-decision-she-ever-made, second husband are going to make my life hell, an absolute, living hell.
If you are still reading this I both apologize for the shouting, and wonder just how bored you must have been to have gotten this far.
I just had such a crappy day. This was my first day back at work after the holiday, and it had a little bit of everything that I hate about my job. I had a woman calling to complain about non-delivery of an order placed for same day delivery in the first week of December last year. I had my mother/boss come into work and complain and sit around talking about feeling dizzy (I had been on my feet with no breaks of any kind for ten hours, I was a little dizzy and uncomfortable too). I had customers making a fuss because the phone started to ring when they were in the store, and apparently that means they are the centre of the universe, and then not buy anyhting any way. I had people asking questions that didn't comprise a question, just a few mumbled nouns and the rest was guess work. And the crazy and boring woman who carries around photos of her cats came in to chat!
And my mothers husband, who has threatened to kill me, who has the mental capacity of someone with a developmental disorder but without the excuse, this is the one who is hired to do the deliveries! So, I not only have to put up with this giant, violent, stupid person who specifically dislikes me, but he milked some cows this morning, so he reeked of cow poo.
Yay for my life.
So, I have been checking through every online job search site I can find for a job, any job. As long as it has flexible hours so I can fit it around classes when they starts back up, and is a permanent position. Not so easy when you haven't finished your degree and can't work in food service.
SCREAM!!!!!!
I'll be another year older in a week and a bit. I'm feeling it. I hate that I still have top put up with my mothers crappy life choices - when you work with her, her life infects your own. I would so love to be free to do as I wish, and hey, maybe even work for a company that allows their senior managers meal breaks once in a while. I want to work where I don't have customers, and no crazy people, and no family in my face, and no psychotic angry man threatening me.
Honestly, I can handle boring, I can handle long hours. I can handle repetitive. I can handle a long commute. At this point I could even handle experimenting on little animals, I just can't handle working in that evil little soul sucking flower shop any more.
AND! AND! AND! V-day is on its way!!! Valentines day is the bane of every florists existence. And I just know my mother and her stupid, worst-decision-she-ever-made, second husband are going to make my life hell, an absolute, living hell.
If you are still reading this I both apologize for the shouting, and wonder just how bored you must have been to have gotten this far.
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Zealand Forests and Conservation
New Zealand Temperate Evergreen Forests
We went for a walk within the Maungatautari reserve. The forest is old, more than predating European colonization of the country. You can feel the age of the forest as you step under the trees, it's cooler, but not just from the shade, it's like the air has more oxygen. If you have been to this place, or somewhere like it, you'll understand what it is I'm talking about. The cool fresh quality of the air, as unique as the salt air of the beach, but totally different. It is as if the air holds an abundance of fresh water but without increasing the humidity.
These pictures were all taken from the path of one of the short tracks that loop around at the edge of the reserve, just inside the fence.
I went to Yellow Stone National Park, and camped in the Teton National Park when I visited the USA a couple of years ago. I remember trying to explain to the Americans I was traveling with just how different the American wilderness is from the temperate rain forests of New Zealand.
Basically, in the Natianal Parks I visited, all the trees looked the same, and were evenly spaced. It is like there is only one tree, that has been perfectly replicated a hundred thousand times. There were spaces between the trees were you could walk, and you could wander away from the camp fire, walk for two minutes, turn and still see all your friends. New Zealand bush isn't like that. I have been to forests where walking more than five paces from the path will put you completely out of sight of it.
Maungatautari ReserveThis particular forest is very special, to the best of my knowledge it is unique. Well, it's not the forest that is special, so much as the fence around it. It started as a stand of native bush on the top of a mountain, stretching over a number of private property boundaries. Like all native bush, it had the potential to be home to an array of native birds, frogs, fish, insects and reptiles.
But, all our forests are plagued by foreign pests. All introduced, and all able to out compete our native wild life, or outright kill and devour said natives. These introduced little horrors are considered harmless in their countries of origin, some times even classed as the cute and cuddly. However here they destroy habitat, compete with natives for resources, hunt down our birds etc.
Wild Goats, Wild Deer, Wild Pigs, Mice, Rats, Possums, Stoats, Ferrets, Weasels, Hedgehogs and the common house cat. All are responsible for unforgivable damage to our native wildlife. And, as a dog person, I hesitate to add dogs to the list, but they do belong on it... apparently all dogs find the scent of our little defenseless kiwi's really interesting, a fact which hasd resulted in countless kiwi deaths.
Many of our native birds can not fly, and even if they can, many more choose not to, many also nest on the ground. They are literally sitting ducks/parrots/falcons. For example, if there are two stoats in a forest, no kiwi chicks will live for miles (I can't find the exact figure in my notes) in any direction.
So, a landowner decided to do something about all this. He designed fences, built them, then placed pests inside the fence. He observed how they got out, which told him what changes were needed to make the fence pest proof.
The fence is around seven feet tall, and topped with a smooth over hang, preventing things from climbing over the top. This is topped with a sensor cable that detects any tree limbs that might fall on top of the fence during strong weather, and sends an alert to a monitoring station so repairs can be under taken immediately. The fence is of stainless steal construction, with the wire mesh too fine for a mouse to squeeze through. This is protected by an eclectic wire on the outside, preventing farm animals rubbing against the fence. The fence goes deep into the ground, and comes outwards, preventing rabbits or other creatures from digging underneath it.
He managed to convince all his neighbors to agree to his plan of enclosing the entire mountain top with his fence. Once the fence was complete, an intensive trapping (and possibly poisoning, I'm not sure) program was put in place to completely irradiate all the introduced species within the fence.
While they are still fighting to catch the last mouse, they have essentially succeeded. This done, they have been introducing native species in a careful order in a bid to reestablish a perfectly balanced and functional, native ecosystem.
There are hiking trails within the fence, which are free to the public. You enter the reserve through a cage, with the door on one side not opening until the other door is securely closed.
This project is run by volunteers, who monitor and maintain the fence, when needed provide supplementary feeding, and maintain the paths within the reserve, and preform wedding to keep invasive exotic plants form taking hold within the forest.
Limited faith is placed in the multimillion dollar fence, so traps are set up within the reserve, to detect the presence of pest species which might breech the fence. These traps need to be checked and maintained. This is also done by volunteers.
The list
One the walk I saw a number of native birds, two of which I had never laid eyes on before, and were on my list of things to see.
1. The GreyWarbler
2. The Tomtit
Two ticks. Yay.
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